For those keeping score, this is probably the fifth or so incarnation of the blog since it started out as 'Slumberland' more than nine years ago. I thought 'Lilie Green' was going to be it for the long haul, but as I was designing the new banner and icons for autumn, it just didn't feel like me anymore. So I tried my name -- my real name -- and it just snicked right into place. With the -an tacked on the end it becomes the perfect descriptor of what this site is meant to be: of or pertaining to me (with a nod to my anglophile tendencies). It is my first name, and only now do I feel like I may finally be growing into it. There is a solemnity to it, a weight; for years I eschewed it in favor of lighter, more cheerful noms de plume like Liz, Lily, Betty.
Moving across the country to start anew in my home state, thinking about what I would like to find here, how I want to decorate my new space, what my priorities are going to be -- self-reflection is unavoidable.
Some things are obvious right away: I want an uncluttered room, painted white, with a windowsill lined with succulents and old blue mason jars. I want to walk for hours along the Pacific ocean and buy a beach cruiser to go biking with my cousins.
Other decisions are still fuzzy: I know I want to work so I can afford to pursue my (expensive) passion, but what do I want to do? what am I willing to do?
With each question and answer the picture of who I am (who I want to be) comes slowly into focus. The beginning of identity is one's name, and by claiming my own (in bold, red letters), it is a step towards recognizing and appreciating my own unique voice.