Though I will post a list of things I'm loving on Friday, as per usual, today I thought I'd do something a little different.
I'm currently in the midst of the lovely Susannah's Blogging From the Heart e-course, and she is gently prodding us to open up, be more honest, and take a few risks. I've been thinking about what I reveal about myself in this space, and the answer seems to be: very little. My goal is to create a positive, pretty environment, but in trying to do so, I seem to only skim the surface of my life, leaving unsaid all the things that aren't easy to wrap up and present with a ribbon on top. If I didn't know me and read this blog, all I would come away with is a rather vague impression of girl who lives in Paris, takes photos, eats a lot of pretty food, and likes sparkly pink things.
So in an attempt to show a little more of the whole picture, I'm starting with a list (because I love lists) of the not-so-pretty aspects of myself I would normally try to hide. Here goes.
10 Things I'd Rather You Not Know About Me
- I don't find babies cute. Kittens, lambs, chicks, baby animals of all kinds: heck yes, but mini-humans: not so much.
- Speaking of kittens -- I have a deep distrust of people who say they don't like cats. No matter how lovely a person you turn out to be, if you dislike cats I fear that we differ too much on a very fundamental level for us to ever truly 'get' each other.
- I'm not religious. I am spiritual, in a woo-woo, airy-fairy kind of way.
- I feel like a foreigner no matter which country I'm in. Even (especially?) the US (where I was born).
- I wasted four years of my life recovering from a breakup with someone I'm now immensely grateful I didn't marry.
- I got so good at suppressing pain that I'm now worried I've lost the ability to properly feel anything. My default emotional setting seems to be... apathy.
- I worry a lot. I worry I won't be able to write my book. I worry about the constant, nagging pain in my abdomen. I worry about not learning French fast enough. I worry I will never fit in or make friends here. I worry I'm disappointing everyone. I worry I will never feel as strong and healthy again as I did as a teenager. I worry something will happen to my boyfriend. I worry it's already too late to live up to any potential I may once have had. I worry about more big earthquakes happening in Japan. I worry about pigeons getting run over in the street. I worry.
- I find politics deeply irritating, but for the record, I'm a registered Democrat.
- When I was six I wrote/drew a story about a princess named Princess who had horns on her head and was mean to everyone she met. I very much identified with Princess.
- I'm a strong advocate of self-love/acceptance, but cringe every time I look in the mirror.
Phew. Well that was hard, but better out than in. If you're still here, thanks for listening.
xoxo,
L
12 comments:
Hello, I'm also doing the lovely Susannah's course. I haven't yet had the courage to 'go personal' on my blog. Reading these things about you makes me want to come back and read more - so thank you for sharing them. Vanessa x
There is so much authentic power in what you have revealed here. I can see glimpses of your vibrant, unique, techni-colored true Self singing through. ;)
Wow. Love this.
(also from class!)
You and I are exactly the same on points 1-4. Replace worry with gratitude, thats what Im doing and its working :) I hope that soon you can look in the mirror and love what you see :) xoxox
This is awesome! Authentic and real! This is what blogging from the heart is all about. WELL DONE!!!!I feel like we have a lot in common... I adore Paris and wanted to move there about 10 years ago... I'm woo woo and a democrat too but you might not want to be my friend because uhm... well, I don't like cats... BUT WAIT! Only because i'm SERIOUSLY allergic and they make me get really bad Asthma attacks that on occasion have sent me to the hospital. I do think they are super cute though... :)
This is beautiful, cousin! :) I'm definitely with you on the cats. I love this glimpse into who you are, and I love love that you signed with just your initial. So gossip girl-esque. :)
-S.
Wow, thanks for sharing all of this it is nice to get to know you a bit better . Sometimes I think that by focusing on the positive and the happy it might seeem we have some kind of edulcolorated unreal life , which I know is not true of course, since we are all human. Oh And I totally relate to 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7.
this was awesome :D xxx
Thank you so much everyone! Your comments mean the world to me.
@The Dame -- love what you're saying about replacing worry with gratitude. i've already learned that's 100% true, and i needed the reminder!
@Vanessa -- I understand about allergies (I used to be allergic to cats too)!
@Sammy -- thanks, cuzin! xoxo ;)
@Amanda -- you've taught me a new vocabulary word-- edulcolrate: make something more acceptable or palatable -- love it! it's comforting to know there are other souls out there who can relate -- makes me feel more human :)
Wonderful post, great insight into the complexity of you. & I LOVE the image. A very real shot & hot pink tights. Love it.
This was beautiful; thank you for sharing. I do a mix of personal and general on my blog, but don't belabor all the hard stuff I'm going through. But I always get the most response when opening up. The single most amazing moment I ever had on my blog was the day I posted about my divorce. People's heartfelt responses had me in tears - in a good way. It proves what you have also showed us here today - authentic, honest writing has power. Thank you for your voice.
@paris (im)perfect -- Merci, Sion! I appreciate that. I am enjoying your blog a lot, slowly reading my way through the archives. As a fellow American in Paris and writer, it's a treasure-trove of info and relate-able thoughts; definitely a well-balanced mix of personal and general (and fun videos!).
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