Lilie Green

the weirdest things make me cry lately. for example, i was watching this documentary about this tribe living in a corner of the Amazon. they call themselves "humans" and the rest of us out here are "non-humans". their daily life consists of having spontaneous mudfights, playing tug-of-war, finding pretty flowers to wear as earrings...and this is the grown-ups i'm talking about. there is no word for love in their language. of course i could never give up my modern-life conveniences for that kind of life (though i'm sure i'd be nice and thin on a diet of white ants), but something about them made me feel homesick for something i've never had.
meanwhile, the new job is quite painless. walking past the skyscrapers in downtown, i see myself reflected in the glass. me in my black suit, white cashmere winter coat, artfully draped scarf, cap at a jaunty angle, high heels clicking smartly on the pavement...don't i look like someone who has their act together? funny how the outside reflects nothing of the inside.
everywhere is all christmas-ed up. i think this is the first time in my life i haven't felt all warm and fuzzy at the thought of xmas. i wish all the twinkling lights and red velvet ribbons would just shrivel up and go away. grr.