Nov. 30

So, fifteen days out of thirty. I did not really meet my every-day-of-the-month quota, but it still feels like an accomplishment. And honestly, it feels like enough -- I've had my fill (for the moment) of posing myself and culling through dozens of unflattering outtakes. I need a break from the me-me-me-ness of self-portraiture.

I'm looking forward to getting back to sharing music recommendations and updates on my Californian adventures and new jewelry creations and pretty discoveries from other artists.

Thank you guys for not getting sick of me; the sweet comments you've left here and elsewhere made my heart glad.

Nov. 27

There was much hemming and hawing before deciding to post today's photos. These are from the second shoot I did this afternoon; in the first I was experimenting with Yulia Gorodinski-esque outfits (or rather, lack thereof) and I ended up freaking myself out.
I am ashamed to say that I can't look at my body without thinking: OMG, SO FAT. And I do realize how dumb that is. But it did make me see that I'm not living in my ideal self.
So I put on my favorite dress for decency and confidence's sake, and tried again. Even these have a part of me biting my nails and thinking: OMG, TOO MUCH SKIN YOU ARE ONE STRAP AWAY FROM POLEDANCER, but the whole point of this month-long challenge was to do the thing that wasn't easy.
There is merit in pushing one's boundaries, even (especially) if you end up making mistakes and risking ridicule.

Nov. 23

Writer's block. It's not pretty.

The coffee mug with scrappy terrier is one of my most beloved possessions. It was the very first item I bought for myself when I moved into my first apt. I was living alone, working at my first 'real' job in Tokyo, and high on the rush of having my very own space to decorate in whatever whimsical fashion took my fancy.
The mug is older and a little tea-stained now, but it still makes me think of beginnings and first experiences.

And so, because I'm in a list sort of mood today, a compilation of 'firsts':

• first memory: standing on a hill, licking a push-up popsicle which I pushed-up too far so it fell off into the grass. I cried.
• first friend: a tiny wisp of a blond girl with great big blue eyes, also named Elizabeth
• first country I fell in love with: Ireland; my love for green began early -- I can't believe I've still never been
• first favorite meal: wienerschnitzel und apfelsaft; my European childhood ruined my palate for American treats once I returned stateside. I would recoil in horror when friends' moms would offer PB&J or fluorescent orange mac&cheese.
• first album purchase: Faith No More's The Real Thing (1989)
• first rock concert: U2
• first novel: Jane Eyre, ergo...
• first fictional crush: Edward Fairfax Rochester (still haven't quite got over this one)
• first written work of fiction: Nancy Drew and the Crystal Unicorn, in which Nancy encounters a crystal unicorn, then wakes up to find it was all a dream
• first TV appearance: on a Japanese variety show, where they were interviewing foreigners for their opinions on 'sighing' -- they dubbed my answer and completely changed what I said!
• first spiritual moment: my first trip to Yosemite, standing in a field gazing up at Half Dome and El Capitan and thinking, "that is too beautiful to be an accident"
• first celebrity encounter: sitting behind Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon at a classical music concert
• first vacation (that I was old enough to remember): Paris, springtime, I wore a frilly pink dress, gorged myself on nan at an Indian restaurant, and rode the carousel in front of the Eiffel Tower

A lifetime of firsts, I could go on forever. But just one more for today...

• first prize won: a disguise-the-turkey drawing contest, for which I drew a turkey dressed up with peacock feathers; I think the prize was a book voucher

Nov. 20

Gloomy Saturday afternoons are for:

sleeping in
stripey sweaters
stretching out
steaming mugs of rooibos chai
snuggling with snoring kitties
secrets written down in pretty notebooks

and singing in French though you don't know the words:

Nov. 18

Nov. 16

Billy the cat says
when you ache
find a patch of sun
lie down
fidget until
you are perfectly comfortable
be still
watch the dust motes dance
in the light
breathe
stay warm
sleep
a friend will come find you
when it's time for dinner

Nov. 15

Nov. 12

Playing with the Santa Ana winds in my cousins' tropical backyard.
Being silly is underrated.

Nov. 11

Some days call for braids.

A week into the self-portrait month and I'm already breaking my own rules, but trust me, after an afternoon of peeling what was left of that wallpaper (featured in yesterday's post), it is better all round if we just look at these pretty roses today.
It's been a million years since I last bought myself flowers -- these were a justified expense because they were used for a photoshoot (which I will share in due time) -- but now I remember why I used to set aside a portion of my weekly budget for a little bouquet.
There is an expression in Japanese, "rice cakes over flowers," which means basically that man cannot live on prettiness, and if you have to make a choice, be sensible and pick the sustaining, starchy food source. But flowers do feed a different sort of hunger; you can deprive yourself of natural beauty living in a city, and grow so numb to the pangs that you don't even realize you're starving.

Nov. 6 & 7

It's pretty obvious why we've been friends for almost two decades now.

Nov. 5

Today was a good day.


I learned how to fly.


Photo and concept by the de-lovely and de-lightful L.Darlington, artiste extraordinaire.

Nov. 4

For Hobbes, Sofia, Maggie, Trina, and those of us who miss them.

Nov. 3

Tree pose: my favorite asana. 

Which, incidentally, is a hard pose to get into after setting the camera timer and running the distance from the tripod to this hibiscus bush. (There are several outtakes of me flailing and tipping over, trying to find balance.)

But when done properly, this pose is incredibly grounding. Toes planted firmly in the earth, arms reaching skyward; feeling a pull (a connection) from both directions and acutely aware of what is center.

Nov. 2

So actually this self-portrait business is quite fun. The weather is gorgeous today so I ventured out to the backyard, tripod in tow. Maybe by the end of the month I'll have worked up the nerve to pose in public locales, but I'm not there yet. One thing I'm learning: for warm highlights and bleaching out imperfections, sunlight is very much my friend.

Nov. 1

The start of November usually sees me firing up Scrivener as I attempt to conquer NaNoWriMo, but this year I've issued myself a different 30-day challenge. As I stated back in January, my key word for 2010 has been FOCUS, and rather than flirt with my old love, creative writing, I want to keep my focus on photography. Since I already did the one-photo-a-day thing in August, I am going for the harder, more time-consuming, and frankly scarier One Self-Portrait Every Day of the Month thing.
I won't lie -- I find this terrifying. But I am going to heed Eleanor Roosevelt's advice, and do the thing that scares me. Every day.